Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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