it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
