i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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