You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
