She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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