By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
