Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
whose ass print is on the piano?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
