used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
