You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I wish life had little blips of pornography
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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