i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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