I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
wanna go halves on a baby?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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