Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
