Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
