i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
