He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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