i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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