Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
