6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
where does the pee come out of this thing
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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