well I can't set my house on fire every night
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
