Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
