Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
