I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
