Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
