So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
