She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
