Where did you get a picture of my penis
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
