You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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