im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
pray to the hookup gods
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
