ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
