Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
