I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
