i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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