What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
