all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
