You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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