I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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