my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
