Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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