Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i drank out of a bidet.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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