Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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