Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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