he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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