i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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