he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
did you just send me my own nude
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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