You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
