why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
