You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
