Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
