So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I think your dad took our porno
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
