I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
