I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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