the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
