A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
