And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
everyone is single if you try hard enough
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
