i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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