New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
