So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
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He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
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100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
FUCK WHALES
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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