We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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