i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
