It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
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I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
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