I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
