the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
