I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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