their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
