I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
