just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
