Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
